How many MMO players does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the lightbulb and 49 to complain it was better beforehand.
A man approached me in a pub one day and asked "Oi, did you put super glue on my darts?"
I replied with a sigh " You just can't let it go, can you?"
My grandfather got his tongue shot off in the war.
.. He never talked about it.
Why did the apricot take a raisin to the prom?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Two blondes walk into a building.
You would think at least one of them would've seen it coming.
Two blondes decide to go to Disney Land so they get in a car and drive off.
They see a sign "Disney Land 50 miles", they keep driving.
They then see a sign "Disney Land 5 miles", they keep driving.
They finally see a sign saying "Disney Land left", so they went home.
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Why do elephants have big ears?
Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
A christian missionary was sent out into deepest India to educate the natives on the works of god during the reign of the British Empire.
Upon arriving in the village he was assigned they led him to a podium to conduct his preaching.
The villagers seemed friendly enough so he began reading extracts from his bible.
After a while he noticed the villagers shouting in unison quiet merrily "Nicaou, Nicaou!" - he took this as a sign that things were going down well and continued with enthusiasm.
They yelled "Nicaou!" at the end of every pause, the missionary was building up confidence as he preached the ways of god.
When he finished there was one final cry of "Nicaou!" as he left the podium and began to greet the villagers personally.
They each led him around the village, showing him first the chieftains hut, the cooking fires and finally the pens where they kept the animals.
The missionary pointed out a rather impressive bull and asked if he may examine him closer.
The villagers obliged and opened the gate to allow him inside calling after him "Be careful not to step in the nicaou!".
Finally lets finish on a high note:
What did the cock say to the condom?
Cover me I'm going in!
Anyone still alive after that?